Congratulations, gamers. You made it. In less than 30 days, women across the country will mourn the loss of sex. As IGN diligently counts down to the PS4’s release on November 15 and the Xbox (also looking at a November release date), girlfriends of gamers are stocking up on vibrators and depleting Costco of its AA battery inventory.
“Nothing will change,” their boyfriends promise. But women know better. these consoles are about to become the leading ladies in their boyfriends’ lives and not even the sexiest cosplay can compete with that.
So what’s a girl to do?
Acceptance
Don’t fight the funk, sweetheart. It’s just not worth it. You knew what you were getting into when you started dating a gamer.
Be supportive
Much like your overpriced pumpkin spice lattés, there’s a lot of build up and hype surrounding new gaming consoles. But this only happens every few years so treat it like a special occasion and help your man celebrate. Help him stock up on shitty beer and canned goods. It’s a man cave, not a bomb shelter, but who knows how long he’ll be in there.
Brush up on guy lingo
I once had a neighbor who was a hardcore gamer. His catchphrase was, “You dirty bitch!” It was the only time I ever heard him from his room across the alley. You may hear such things from your boyfriend and his friends during this time. Do not be alarmed. Do not mistake it for misogyny. This too shall pass.
Remember ladies, the console it self is not the enemy. The next few months might be tough but at least we know what we’re up against. And at the end of the day, every dude knows that even the most ergonomic controller can’t replace the touch of a woman.
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