If you asked me in the ’80s and ’90s, what my favorite cartoon of all time was, I would have said Transformers without batting an eye.
Whether you were on the side of the Autobots or Decepticons — all the various models that the robots transformed into were interesting and had viewers thinking, “What if Bumblebee fought Starscream,” or “Could Optimus Prime beat Megatron by himself?” Director Michael Bay’s movie series has brought these thoughts to reality in stunning ways — and lucrative ones for GM which promotes its newest cars like the Chevy Camaro in the films.
Now ask yourselves this: what if the UFC champions were cars, what would they be? Here we count them down:
9. Flyweight, Demetrious Johnson: This is a no brainer.“Mighty Mouse” would be a Smart Car, able to maneuver in and out of traffic with ease and using little gas in getting from point A to point B.
8. Bantamweight, Renan Barao: Barao would transform into a Mini-Cooper. It has ample power, is quick, can pick up speed fast and is dependable. Sounds like a match for the 27-year-old Brazilian.
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7. Featherweight, Jose Aldo: I think Aldo would be most like a Tonka Truck. Not a real car, but these things were big, fast, strong and could bulldoze other toys. Aldo has the same characteristics, defeating many of his opponents in devastating form.
6. Lightweight, Anthony Pettis: I would liken Pettis to the V6 Dodge Challenger. He hasn’t had any title defenses yet, but we know he brings fast action, with some dynamic moves. If he defends his belt a couple of times, then he would graduate to a RT/SRT Challenger.
5. Welterweight, George St. Pierre: Since Johnny Hendricksand Robbie Lawler haven’t fought yet, only fair to put GSP here still. I would compare him to the top Honda Accord, as it is the most reliable car on the market and has been for a long time. St. Pierre hasn’t lost a fight since 2007 and is on a mini-retirement at the time.
4. Middleweight, Chris Weidman: A native from New York, Weidman would probably transform into a Ford F-150. A working man’s truck, that goes to and from work, the F-150 is made for the long haul and something Weidman is geared for.
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3. Light Heavyweight, Jon Jones: Jones is known for his unorthodox striking and his skill level rising quickly, so I would compare him to a Porsche Carrera GT. Sleek, fast, and strong, the Carrera is basically a street legal racing car. Although his last fight against Gustaffson could’ve went either way, Jones has the attributes of this racing monster.
2. Heavyweight, Cain Velasquez: The son of Mexican immigrants, Velasquez has risen to the top as the biggest and best in the world. The Range Rover is the best SUV, being sporty, luxurious, and good on the road — and would epitomize Velasquez’s style of winning his fights quickly by TKO, or grinding out decision victories.
1. Women’s Bantamweight, Ronda Rousey: Currently, the lone women’s division in the UFC, Rousey’s fighting and mannerisms mesh with the new Chevrolet Corvette Stingray. Sleek, fast, good looking and ready to take off at any second, the ‘Queen of the UFC’ brings the fight as soon as the bell rings. Outside of the ring, she is working on movies and other ventures; and the Corvette can do the same — roll around at a regular pace and have everyone admire the American car.
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David Kano is lead writer for MMA Show News and co-host of The Hollywood MMA Show. You can follow him on Twitter @TheDKano.
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